Tuesday, January 28, 2014

So this is happening.

I love me a good blog. I mean, if you're reading this and you write a blog.... chances are I stalk you read it.

I just enjoy reading good writing, and as a mama I don't necessarily have the time/opportunity to sit down and read a book. I mean, I may get an hour on a random Tuesday to read a bit but by the next time I have a chance to immerse myself in said book I have to spend 15 minutes of re-reading to remember why Jamie is imprisoned in the Bastille and Claire has to throw herself at the mercy of the King of France.... sorry. Outlander moment.

Anyway, I don't have time to read big sweeping novels (AND maintain a home/ homeschool/therpaize my child..... in a satisfactory manner) and I'm thankful for Bloggers who take the time out of their hectic lives to share a slice of their real. So I can feel a connection with another human adult. Whether it's a high profile blogger like Ann VosKamp (http://www.aholyexperience.com/) or Jill Smokler (http://www.scarymommy.com/author/admin/) or a new wife/mother on blogger sharing her heart with anyone who passes by.

Thank you. There are many of us out here who love/need it. Don't stop. Keep going. Keep writing something I can read while I find myself with 5 consecutive minutes to myself and don't feel so alone. Thank you.


Recently I was given the opportunity to share my real at my MOPS group. A testimony, if you will. It was raw and real and rough. For me. A few weeks prior I had written out my thoughts, just for myself (as I do many times in many situations) and God whispered to me, using a spiritual bullhorn, urging me to share these particular thoughts with an intimate group of about 35 ladies. (and a well known local licensed clinical social worker who was that week's speaker. I'm sure had a field day analyzing me in her head.) *

A little part of me wanted to call in sick... praying for the stomach bug. In fact, minutes before I was to speak I had a mini-panic attack and with help of our MOPS co-coordinator (and good friend) found the strength to get up and share.... without crying or puking.

The response that followed was mind-blowing.

I did not expect anything I received for sharing my heart and the journey I had been on. Over the next couple of days I had mommy-friends hug me and thank me for being so real. I got facebook messages and posts with positive comments and full of love. I heard so many "me-toos" and even an "I needed that."

I needed that.

And God whispered to me with his bullhorn "See.... told ya."


A seed was planted to write a blog of my own. Not like the one I already have; a mommy blog cataloging my little one's life.... but sharing my normal so others can not feel so alone in the normal of their own.

I kept it to myself, quietly praying for His will. A few nights ago I shared with my husband at the dinner table what I was thinking about. I ended my spiel with ".... on one hand it seems pretentious to even think that anyone would care to read it. On the other I feel by not doing it I'm running away from God."

My 4 year old piped up "Oh, Mommy. Don't run from God. You need to run TO God. That's what He wants."

And the decision was made.

I have no illusions of grandeur. Most likely, I will never be guest speaking at Women of Faith. I won't be going to Liberty to get a degree in theology so I can share a deeper understanding of the Bible in the original text with you. I can't imagine publishing a book out of any of this.

But hopefully, I can help make you feel less alone as we do this life. As we find our normal

(Realistic dramatization of Jessica at her computer)

*Someday soon I'll get up the guts to publish that testimony on this blog. For everyone to read. At their leisure. For all of eternity. (barf)

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