We moved to Upstate New York in the summer of 1992. The winter season to come would be the largest amount of snowfall that the year had seen in decades. The winter of '93. My first snow day turned into a snow WEEK! The apartment complex snow plows had made mounds as tall as our townhouse! We would climb up with our sleds and then go down off of our ROOFS! It was like nothing I had ever seen before or since.
After I finished high school I went right back into the school system as an ASL interpreter for Oswego County BOCES. Snow Day Bonanza! From November to March at 5 am I would turn on the news and see if I had to work that day.
Even when I left BOCES to do a "real job" I still watched the crawler across the bottom of the screen every morning. In between cups of coffee and blow drying my hair I'd yell to my husband "Oh, East Syracuse is closed!......There goes Liverpool!......North Syracuse is still just a 2 hour, wait! Nope. Closed!"
Still, to this day, I check the list on my phone.... borderline obsessively.... when it snows. But it doesn't stop my plans or change my life that day as a stay at home, homeschooling Momma. We play in it but we still school on. But there's an electric excitement in my day knowing... it's a snow day
This is an accurate illustration of my 30-something self
when we have a snow day in our district.
Yesterday was our first official "Snow Day" of Kindergarten. I saw it coming on Saturday and I knew I needed to get in on this one, it might be our last of the season. We set up some tentative plans and shared the excitement with the child as it was all hinging on one precious thing... a snow day. The hushed excitement of the words "snow day" as they came out of her mouth let me know she understood.
That snow days were magical and wonderful and rarely seen... like a unicorn.
I woke up at 6:30 am and checked the list. Snow. Day. Baby!
We dropped our school plans and played with public school friends as they celebrated their day off from school. It was a beautiful, chaotic, fantastic, mess.... exactly what childhood needs every once in a while.
This is what we learned on our day off:
1- Uno's has free lunches for kids on snow days.
2- 10 hours of playing = 12+ hours of sleep that night
3- Friends are wonderful and fun and amazing and we love every moment with them... but Daddy is her favorite to person on the planet to play with.
4- I'm so blessed to be a stay at home, homeschooling mother of one amazingly awesome little girl.
I mean, really. I am. Sometimes I just need to remind myself of that.
As much as I love it and would trade it for nothing in this world, do I see the laundry and the dishes and cleaning and the cooking and the curriculum and the teaching and the reading, writing, mathing.....the repetitive nature of my day-to-day glamourous in any sense of the word? No. Not at all.
No, in fact last week I got all dolled up for Wednesday morning only to not shower/change/perform-any-personal-hygiene-beyond-brushing-teeth-and-hair again until Friday.... afternoon. Yeah, that's hot. My husband is one lucky man.
But I have this window. This teeny tiny, no redos or take backs, window to do THIS. And once it's gone it's gone. I can't get it back. There's no redeeming motherhood.
If we don't stop and see the glory in the, if not moments, the seasons then we're missing His plan, His lessons for our lives.
My season is Motherhood. Yes, motherhood is forever and I don't think I'll ever sleep as soundly or relax so completely as I did before my child walked the Earth... but This season is for Motherhood. Capital "M".
This Motherhood season is for building a person. For instilling truths and confidence in who they are as a creation of God. For learning how they're wired and exploring the beauty of their own individuality in a world that desires to put everything and everyone in a tidy box along with the facts and numbers that define them. To show them the world and the beauty in it and the Creator who made it all, just for them and give a soft place to be as they learn how sharp the world can be. To read the the adventures of Winnie the Pooh and Peter Pan and Gerald and Piggie until my throat is sore. To snuggle and play and enjoy the too short season of childhood.
I say this without an ounce of martyrdom.
Because one day in 15, 10, 5 years things will change as they have changed from the last 5 years. I am no longer lost in the complete need of one tiny person. As she craves space, I recieve space. My dreams that have been tucked into my heart are being unpacked and considered little by little until I find my next season.
Spending time with others have gotten there, their season of finding dreams, the childish mentality of "why not me?" creeps up... and in that moment. Before I fall fully into the spiral of disappointment. I stop and look to God and say "Why not me? Why have I not found what you have created me for? Why have I not found the one thing that makes my soul sing? Why has this sense of unfulfillment been the thorn in my side? Why have I never, ever been able to answer the question 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'"
And as still and as loud as anything I have ever heard He says to me.... for THIS season. I need you HERE in THIS spot for THIS season.
To be a port in the storm.
To give structure and flexibility in one motion.
To make this space a place to restore spirits.
So here I am, knowing that this is short, what's next is big and beautiful, and that truly there is glory in the day-to-day if I do what I am called to do.
And that in its own way THAT is glamourous.
THAT is magical and wonderful and rarely seen... like a unicorn. Or a Snow Day.